“They say to write about what you know, so I wrote about that.” When discussing the making of psychological dark comedy Wesley Loses His Penis with writer/director Brennan McGee and having seen the film multiple times, I found myself morbidly keen to know why he would use such an idiom to set up the journey he went on in the making of his Alice in Wonderland like odyssey of humiliations short. However, all you have to do is take a peek behind the door and go through. Wesley, a man who has temporarily lost his way (and just as the title states, his beloved appendage), finds himself with little choice but to embark on a surreal all-consuming process in order to be whole again. An (albeit not precisely) existential parallel to McGee’s experience of making the film, we speak to him about having to let go of a harmful obsession with having the perfect film, following a formalist method for the short’s visual style and how many silicon penises were needed to realise a crucial moment in the narrative.

There must be an interesting backstory to the origins of this film.

Quite honestly the initial concept came from a sense of inadequacy I felt internally for not being able to complete another short film I’d already fundraised for: Game Boy. There was a false note about the story and it wasn’t ringing true. But, less rationally than that, I simply had such debilitating inner critic ping-ponging around in my head that I couldn’t confidently move forward with production. So I kept delaying it, rewriting it, and each rewrite felt like a further testament to the fact that I was a piece of shit. When you feel that way, you’re numb, which only makes you feel like even more of a piece of shit, which requires more numbing. That’s just science.

I was genuinely wondering if I’d ever get out of that cycle, and if a few years would go by and I’d have a kid, and he’d look around for a role model and not find it in his father. Meanwhile, we’d raised 20K and I’d put my name on the thing, so it felt like ‘complete the film’ or die. So I sent a video out to the backers explaining the situation, and the new direction for the film. “What was once a somewhat innocent family drama will now be a psychologically absurd dark comedy about someone who loses his penis.” Surprisingly, we only lost one backer. Not everything in the film is autobiographical, let me just clear my name of any potential unnecessary parallels people are going to draw there, but the state of existentialism that we ultimately captured in Wesley Loses His Penis felt more true to me than any other iteration of the script.

I think that might be the best and most intense story of a short film conception I have ever heard! After so much self-doubt and back and forth how did you know you were ready to move into production and had found the story which felt true to you?

To be completely candid, what progressed the film forward was a fear of what would happen to me personally if I didn’t. I was just obsessed with the film being perfect and wrapped my whole sense of self-worth in it. It was all I could think about: I was having nightmares, breaking out into hives in my sleep, my sense of reality was fraying, and I even started prematurely balding. I knew if I kept going at this rate I was going to enter a very bad place psychologically. So I had a little ego death and told myself, “The film no longer needs to be perfect, you don’t even need to call yourself a writer. In fact, you never need to write again. All you need to do is write something authentic. It can be flawed. It can be absolutely terrible, in fact, it just needs to be authentic. That’s it.” Wesley Loses His Penis was what came out of that. His version was as puzzling and anxiety-fuelled as the reality I was living in, and I thought, “If I can’t make a perfect movie, at least art will imitate life.” I can post-mortem the film and laundry list the mistakes, but I can’t say it wasn’t successful, because the entire project was, selfishly, about me learning to turn off self-judgement and find my voice as a creative even if that takes the shape of an exploding penis.

But to answer your question, though the new version of the script felt more true to me, I really didn’t see that truth until I was on set. Maybe it had to do with the visceral nature of production, but there just wasn’t enough time to endlessly analyze, not when you’re meant to be leading 30 people in a necessarily specific direction. So it became, “Here’s the scene, where’s the truth in it? Great. Now onto the next one.” Replicating that simple search for subjective truth in my writing has made a world of difference. And yes, I’m still writing. But the key difference is, I don’t need to: I don’t believe in forcing anything, anymore.

“Here’s the scene, where’s the truth in it? Great. Now onto the next one.” Replicating that simple search for subjective truth in my writing has made a world of difference.

After grappling with that existential roller coaster, how did you find the vision to move forward into production?

To realize the film I worked really closely with our DP Kenzen Takahashi to pre-visualize everything extensively using Cadrage. We went through every single shot in the film, re-writing the script for visual coherency as we did, and pre-edited it before creating the shot list. This also gave the crew a good idea of what we were hoping to achieve, and I used the video to chat with all the department heads about what we’d see on screen, what the narrative and emotional weight of each scene was, and the actual logistics required to get there. We talked a lot about how to make the film feel sort of like a ‘circus of disgust’ and anxiety so that informed a lot of the early conversations and it was just dialing things from there.

There is so much in this – Freud, Eastern and Western religious practices, are these all philosophies and systems you are interested in or is it just a joyous amalgamation brought together for this film?

I’m interested in all of these! And I’ll come back to this for the last question but my next film goes into mysticism, shamanistic and religious practices, and how we create meaning in our lives. Big topic. But before that particular obsession, I was gripped by Eastern philosophy. Self-awareness was a crucial tool to start identifying the anxiety that was haunting me, as well as self-directed metta (loving-kindness) to evaporate the shame that was ping-ponging around somewhere in my prefrontal cortex. I don’t regularly meditate anymore (cold plunging is more effective for me these days), but at the time I would do 15 minute daily meditations through Sam Harris’ Waking Up app, and at the end of each session he would say, “Just, begin again.” Which became one of the kernels that inspired Wesley. For a person who’s gone down a seemingly rational rabbit hole of self-deprecating thought, I’m not aware of a more effective tool for cutting off the head of the snake.

I love your highly organised approach to shot planning, is that how you always work?

I think there’s a massive benefit to shot listing, and I’m a big fan of the formalists, the Robert Eggers and Arri Asters, who are meticulous about how they visually craft a story. This was an area where my DP Kenzen Takahashi and I were very much aligned. Wesley was the first I’d done with each shot planned in advance, but it was a chess match on set to keep everyone abreast of the zigzagging shot list that was essentially deranged it was so out of order. We managed to get every shot, with some exceptions where we needed to blend a few together. But I will say, there’s a rigidity to shooting this way that can limit your creative players on set because it’s a constant game of catch-up and there’s very little room for spontaneity.

I will always be a formalist, but it can put the technicals of filmmaking ahead of the real life force of film: the messier and imperfect things that make us human.

On the last day, because of the logistical nightmares of operating this way, and because we sort of earned it, we collectively took a leap of faith and decided to throw the shot list away. We still drew from it, but we weren’t subservient to it, and I much prefer the freedom in that approach. I will always be a formalist, but it can put the technicals of filmmaking ahead of the real life force of film: the messier and imperfect things that make us human. All this to say, I’m learning to embrace more spontaneity in my work, but in response to Warner Herzog’s “Storyboards are for cowards!”, I find that it takes more courage to think critically through each visual moment in your film and how it serves the whole. You’re not beholden to that planning, but I love movies where each frame just sings from the little details that were added in support of the overarching narrative, tone, or theme. And I think planning and shot listing is a big part of that magic – it’s worth the headaches. So, to synthesize, on my next project I’ll likely seek that meticulousness again, but also bake in pockets that allow for spontaneity.

As a lover of horror and the lush, dark but imposing colours the genre can bring, what was the conversation between you and DP Kenzen to get the look right for the madness that unfolds?

The film has been called a “surrealist slap in the face”, and I consider that the highest of compliments. We messed around with all the regulars: aspect ratios, lens options, compositions. I really wanted the film to make you feel uncomfortable: to give you a sense that you’d really rather be anywhere else. Shadows, greens, yellows, the stuff of the putrid and the sick. I had a sort of scratchy, off-key, violin sound in my head that translated to something like ‘anxiety, intravenous,’ and it paired well with these creeping, darkly meditative test shots that we did during pre-visualization that became staples for the mood of the film.

The sheer dread you build as he walks slowly towards his penis sitting on the fire is just perfect with music, shot angles and Wesley’s distraught horror. It brings us right down the rabbit hole!

Haha, thank you! We shot all the living room interiors on the first two production days, we decided to shoot everything facing the entrance of the manor on the first day, and then turn around and shoot everything facing the penis on the second day. We had to redesign the rails for the dolly and make some other adjustments, but after that we were off to the races. Using the dolly and crane combination was nothing but pure fun, from a director’s point of view anyway. Camera crew was involved in much more complicated happenings to make each shot happen, but I felt like a kid in a candy shop. Which I think is important when you’re directing. I tried to consistently enter a virtual reality where I was watching the movie outside of the chaos of production, just as a viewer, with the luxury to care about the finer details that meld together to make up Wesley’s particular hellscape.

We particularly enjoy getting technical here at DN and you had a lot going on with the kit needed to pull off what was needed. Can you tell us about the intention of your formalist approach?

It would have been a lot easier to cut the cranes, dolly, rigs, and just shoot handheld, but I wanted to take a formalist approach. Each shot needed to have an intention: something Kenzen and I iterated on neurotically until we arrived at our shot list. I don’t have a solid reason why I wanted a formal look – instinct, maybe? I feel held and loved when I watch a movie and the director is intentional about the camera. Even if I’m watching horror, I can sit back and trust that the experience is being guided for me. It feels, to me, like getting a massage. It may come at the expense of Duplass brothers sort of authenticity, but ultimately I am more a creature of control, and playing the game of high intentionality with the visual language is thrilling to me.

I feel held and loved when I watch a movie and the director is intentional about the camera. Even if I’m watching horror, I can sit back and trust that the experience is being guided for me.

The tools just helped me and Kenzen dial in that intentionality and bake it into the movie. We managed to pack these really complex shots that required a ton of manpower and precision, into our schedule sheerly because my crew was incredibly competent, and everyone involved was an A-player. We had four days to get everything on our shot list and we knew it would be a huge amount of pressure on the crew, but there was a magic to this particular group of people, and suddenly ambitious just became possible.

Now for the special effects, how and what was the penis made out of, it comes into its full glory in quite a visceral and ultimately explosive way?

The penis was made out of silicon, and we had several of them for different purposes. Little tangent, the first box of silicon penises arrived at the wrong address somewhere in Los Angeles, and we spent a few days trying to track it down before abandoning them, so I hope the recipient had an enjoyable experience opening that box. Anyway, once our new set came in, we used one as our ‘hero’ penis for the majority of its coverage, and one for a ‘full glory’ version that we installed a wire into in order to manipulate it upwards to create the illusion of growth. We also had a few cheaper Amazon penises, one we gave to our FX team to cut up and turn into gore to land on Alex Herrald (Wesley) during the explosion, and more to light on fire; though we ended up lighting the hero penis aflame when it became clear the Amazon penis wouldn’t play… we became very desentized about penises by the time we wrapped.

We used one as our ‘hero’ penis for the majority of its coverage, and one for a ‘full glory’ version that we installed a wire into in order to manipulate it upwards to create the illusion of growth.

Why did you choose to edit Wesley Loses His Penis yourself as it can’t have been easy considering the very intense origins of the film?

I have a background in editing, and I’m a recovering control freak, so I never seriously considered working with another editor. I enjoy the process, but as you might have guessed from the story of this production, I learned the limitations of holding on too tightly in any creative avenue of film. This is one of those areas that I think you really need to let go and let the film be re-interpreted. And whether that’s through a collaborator, or leaving the country after production wrap to tan on a beach somewhere for a month or two, fresh eyes are really important. This is high on my list of things “I’ll do on the next one.”

Finally, have you been able to birth any new projects since completing this and what else have you got going on?

I’ll be directing a feature (unrelated to genitalia) that I’m co-writing with the wonderful, and ruthless, Sarah Steuer. We’re in the necessarily violent throes of completing the screenplay and will be moving on to secure finance for it within the coming months. If this article reaches the eyes of any would-be executive producers, we would love to talk to you. The film follows a therapist who, reluctant though he is, is thrust away from his hyper-rational tools of therapizing and forced to embrace Shamanic healing practices. It’s a story about waking up and tapping back into your soul. And it’s also about how going on that particular journey can corrupt us, and insulate our thinking until we lose touch with reality. The film will be an absurdist, psychological and lightly cerebral, character-driven drama that wrestles with the concept of meaning. How much is too little, how much is too much?

2 Responses to Brennan McGee Charts a Bizarre Journey Through the Human Psyche in Uncanny Short ‘Wesley Loses His Penis’

  1. Hey all! Writer/Director here. Big thanks to Directors Notes for the care they put into this article—it’s clear how much they love movies and the art of storytelling. For the readers, please reach out if you’d like to talk, just for fun or about a potential collaboration. I’m currently looking for executive producers for my next project which is detailed at the end of this article. You can find me on IG @therewillbebren or shoot me an email directly — [email protected]

  2. Sarah Smith says:

    Absolutely thrilled to have properly been able to discuss the divine madness behind Brennan’s work and would highly recommend anyone to get in touch!!

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